Don’t Move or the Bishop Gets It.

Don’t Move or the Bishop Gets It.

What’s Your All-Time Favorite Movie Line? (Parody/Humor Alert)

Breaking News, Sun City, AZ

According to reports in the Sun City Times, using the “N” word is funny, at least, according to one geriatric Bishop. “Who knew that simply responding to a question on Facebook could get a person into so much trouble?” This was the response of Bishop Callahan, the presiding bishop for an insignificant, independent Catholic Church, headquartered in Sun City Arizona.

We cannot tolerate talk like this anywhere, online or otherwise,” shouted a local congregant and whistleblower—who has chosen to remain anonymous. “Cultural insensitivities such as this must be punished with the fullest vigor of the law,” proclaimed one protestor this morning outside of Callahan’s cathedral parish.

Sam Suckbreath, a reporter from 55 On Your Side, a local liberal journal stated: “we have come to expect nothing less from alt-white religious these days.” Suckbreath continued, “This is nothing less than cultural appropriation and possibly even hate-speech inspired by President Trump himself. Hate-speech such as this must be resisted until our final breath.” The White House Press office refused to comment on the incident, referring our inquiries to the Department of Justice if we suspected a hate crime had occurred.

The seemingly innocuous question that Callahan answered was simply; “What is your all-time favorite movie line? “I answered without thinking,” Callahan responded, “Don’t move or “N” word gets it.” You know, that line from the movie Blazing Saddles? “Back in the day, it was hilarious. I guess not so much today,” Callahan bemoaned. I understand now, that simply because the line was originally uttered by a person of color, it doesn’t give me license to think it is funny today, and for that, I am ashamed and truly sorry,” Callahan finished.

There has been so much public outcry that Callahan is scheduling a nationwide apology tour. “I am heartbroken, The bishop proclaimed, on the first leg of his media blitz, stating that “just because something was funny forty or so years ago is no excuse. I should have known better.”

In reparation for his egregious statement, Callahan has agreed to attend sensitivity training and mandate such indoctrination for all clergy under his supervision. ©KN

Patriotic and Political Graphic Apparel and Accessories by Michael Callahan


Of course, the article above is a spoof or satire. Like one of my favorite conservative commentators, Rush Limbaugh, I like to illustrate the absurdities of life, by being absurd. Hopefully by poking a little fun at myself will help to lessen some of our modern cultural tensions.

Love me or hate me, back in the day I thought Blazing Saddles was both inane and insanely funny. The Humor, in my mind, was appropriate to the time, shining an often uncomfortable light on racism.

Why is it that we as a society have become so hypersensitive that we cannot use episodes such as this as learning experiences? Rather than learning from the mistakes of our past, we’re destroying every reminder of where we came from. From taking away literature like Huck Finn and Little House on the Prairie to destroying  Revolutionary War monuments, we are doing future generations a huge disservice by limiting their opportunities to learn from our cultural mistakes. 

I actually came across a similar Facebook post this afternoon that could have prompted a similar cultural calamity. The cultural norms of our youth are not comparable to today’s politically correct climate. Everyone, it seems is ultra-sensitive and eager to accuse others of bias or offense. Not only do we need to be on guard for what we say now, but be wary of what others may dig up from our past.

Yes, I am indeed the presiding bishop of a small and numerically insignificant international communion of Catholic Churches. Most of our membership in the US are Latino, and the majority of our international membership are in Africa. I am definitely in the cultural minority as far as that goes.

Through the mystery of faith, apostolic succession links all bishops in time and space. Virtually every bishop has hands laid on him by three other bishops, casting an exponentially large net of spiritual connectivity — reaching virtually every continent, nations, and peoples. God is truly not a respecter of persons, nor does he prefer any particular cultural identity, and neither do we. The Church of God is neither white, black or any shade in-between. The USA has been called the great melting pot due to its cultural diversity, yet for true diversity we must turn to God, and His Church. 

One of the biggest blessings in our Catholic ministry is our diversity. Our continual prayer is that we may strive for peace and understanding among all of our brethren. When we hold God’s golden rule in our heart of loving God first, and our neighbor as our self, hopefully, this will engender a spirit of compassion rather than the judgment of others.

My prayer is that my attempt at self-deprecating Humor was not actually offensive. If you took it as such, feel free to report this to the appropriate social media censors and the Department of Justice.


Michael Callahan is the Presiding Archbishop of the Catholic Church in America as well as the International Catholic Confederation. Bishop Callahan is also the founder of Koinonia News and has been a conservative blogger for several years.

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